We continue the intermission from our usual programming…
Our hero Sitting Duck, the cadet reporter, is in fact sitting in Big Pig’s opulent office, whilst Big Pig pontificates upon the subject of Modern Grain Theory.
Sitting Duck, really didn’t concentrate all that well upon the finer details of the central tenets of Big Pigs new economic theory. He frankly couldn’t understand much of it, however, as an alert cadet journalist he was thrashing around for something intelligent to say to Big Pig. But mostly he was wondering when he could go to the bathroom, when in a quiet moment in between the constant barrage of verbiage he blurted out: “This is a lovely office. I’ve just got a quick question.”
Big Pig looked first shocked, which then rapidly turned to anger, before settling into a clinical look of dispassion. “Son. Come with me for a moment and step outside and get some fresh air.” Big Pig and Sitting Duck left the office in the solidly constructed barn, passing the receptionist with the pink bow who was busy looking busy. Sitting Duck scampered after Big Pig as he theatrically pushed open the door with a well practised flourish and they both found themselves out in the warm sunny day.
With notable bombast, Big Pig pointed up into the sky and remarked: “Son. What do you see up in the sky?” Sitting Duck thought that this was a trick question and so replied: “Err, The sun?”
“What? No! If you look carefully you’ll see a flock of migratory ducks. I’ve got grain scrip and both you and those birds want my grain scrip, if you get my meaning. So bore someone else with your questions.” Sitting Duck looked thoughtfully at the migratory ducks as he pondered the threat. Big Pig had a mercurial temperament and thought about the situation for a brief moment as a cold glint shone from his eyes. “As you know, I’m an important pig and I don’t have time for your questions. However, I’ve got just the guy for your questions. See that turkey over there. That’s Truman the Turkey. Go see him.” And without saying goodbye, the interview was over and Pig Pig turned around and left for the comforts of his office.
Sitting Duck wasn’t actually looking in the direction when Big Pig pointed his big hoof and so had no idea what he was even talking about. But he was an intrepid cadet investigative reporter and thus was prepared to chase down any and every lead for the story. But firstly he had to urgently go to the bathroom.
He approached a number of birds on the farm asking two questions: One where was the bathroom; and Two, who or where is Truman the Turkey? After a few misdirection’s, some of which he suspected were deliberate, he found the bathroom and also the locale of Truman the Turkey. Feeling somewhat relieved he felt more able to focus on the task at hand.
During Big Pigs discourse, Sitting Duck was able to put together a couple of sentences on the magic of what is the new economic theory: Modern Grain Theory. But that was not enough meat with which to write an article and he was under no allusions about the expectations of his boss, the Editor of the newspaper.
Truman the Turkey was sitting in a fenced off area. He had round reading glasses on his long pointed beak, which was buried deeply in a book. As he approached the fenced enclosure, Sitting Duck could just make out the title of the book.
Notes: Truman the Turkey. Long beak. Round glasses. Book, treatise on Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Fenced enclosure.
Sitting Duck the cadet journalist was trying to be both cool and the alpha bird as he said: “Oi. Are you Truman the Turkey? Big Pig sent me”. Truman the Turkey’s beak went even lower as his eyes peered above the round glasses and he replied: “Maybe. What do you want?” Sitting Duck took that as an invitation and he flew up and over the fence and gracefully landed in the enclosure.
“Nice for some”, Truman the Turkey peevishly muttered.
Sitting Duck was faced with the unforgiving reality of returning with no story on the new economic theory, so he decided to take a new and more conciliatory approach with the turkey. “Sorry mate. I was bit short with you because I was busting to go to the toilet. And you see those birds over there. They sent me in the wrong direction.”
Somewhat mollified, Truman the Turkey opened up and said: “Typical, I wouldn’t expect better of them. Sorry mate, but it was your flying into the enclosure that got me on the wrong foot.” We both looked at Truman the Turkey’s feet and could see that he was indeed on the wrong foot. “Anyway, when I was a young Jake, the world seemed so full of possibilities, the older turkeys all told me that I could do anything I wanted in life. I ate that talk up and wanted nothing more than to fly.”
“I think I understand the problem” Sitting Duck replied somewhat sympathetically. “No. No, you don’t see the problem at all. I wanted to be a pilot because I thought that doing that job, I’d get all the hens. Turns out I couldn’t fly, I mean look at these wings, they’re not going anywhere soon. But you on the other hand…” Before Truman the Turkey could work himself into a frenzy of self loathing, Sitting Duck refocused him by asking: “So what happened?”
“I got a regular job on Utopia farm, and eventually worked my way up, and now here I am as economic adviser to Big Pig.”
Notes: Truman the Turkey is a complicated turkey with many regrets. Economic advsier to Big Pig and possibly architect of economic theory.
“Cool. I’m an economics journalist (whilst not mentioning the cadet part or having no idea about economics) for ‘The Big Swine’ and from your professional opinion, I’d like to ask you a few questions about Modern Grain Theory”
“Go ahead.” Truman the Turkey replied pleased at the possibility of gaining some new-found respect from the future article and possibly also the attention of the hens.
“So what is the central tenet of Modern Grain Theory?”
“Well, the central tenet of Modern Grain Theory, is that the value of grain scrip has reached what looks like a permanently high plateau. So it doesn’t matter how much grain scrip gets printed because some farm animal will always want some scrip.” Replied Truman the Turkey.
Notes: Able to print lots of mad grain scrip as needed. Could be handy for future pond purchase and wooing of hen.
“What? So are you saying that Traditional Grain Theory doesn’t much matter and the old rules no longer apply? I mean what happens if the Pig in Control prints more grain scrip than actual grain?” posited Sitting Duck.
“No. Of course the theory matters, in theory. However, it doesn’t much matter if the Pig in Control prints too much scrip”, Truman the Turkey replied.
“I don’t quite understand how that can be” remarked Sitting Duck.
Truman the Turkey was again getting riled up and said: “Who is the economic mastermind here? You or me? It is simple, if the Pigs print too much scrip we’ll just raise taxes on the farm animals, stagnate wages, or allow prices for barns and enclosures to rise. Easy.”
Notes: Truman the Turkey can’t fly, but readily flies off the handle. Raise taxes. Stagnate wages. Allow prices of barns and enclosures to rise.
“If you want to see how it all works out just fine, even when it doesn’t matter, go speak with Roasted the Sheep. This interview is now at an end. You better make me look good in the article if you want some grain scrip. Now, I’ve got a lot to learn about the hens.” And with that brusque dismissal, Truman the Turkey buried his beak back in his book.
To be continued…
The weather this week is a stark contrast to the filthy wet cold weather of the previous week. In fact I’d go so far as to say that it is some form of early spring. I’ve called this time of year Sprinter before. That word is the technical word for the season which is both Spring and Winter, but not quite either. The days have been gloriously cool to mildly warm and sunny.
Excavations on the two new garden terraces continued (wasn’t there only one new terrace last week? A strategy change has occurred!) A lot of clay was excavated and moved. All of the work is done by hand with the assistance of an electric jackhammer which is powered by the sun. The lower terrace still has a few days work of digging and moving the clay before the terraces can be fenced.
The clay is being moved, placed and compacted on the upper terrace. And we have also pegged out the upper terrace and have begun excavating the soil there too. The goal is to plant out the upper terrace by around the end of August.
A few weeks ago on the lower terrace we unearthed a huge rock. All rocks have a purpose and this rock in particular would be useful as a retaining wall for the succulent garden. The rock easily weighed more than I do and moving the rock downhill to the succulent garden was not easy. In order to move the rock around, we strapped it to a trolley.
After a whole lot of effort, the rock was placed in the retaining wall of the new succulent garden.
The signs of spring are all over the farm. After a two month egg strike (possibly due to me killing the sick Grey Silky) the chickens are back and we’ve now had five eggs this week.
The grape vines are beginning to form buds.
An elderberry has produced some leaves.
In late autumn we planted some broccoli seeds and they never germinated. Now a few months later, they’ve germinated.
Bulbs are springing from the soil, like these Ixia’s.
Tree ferns are producing and unfurling new early fronds.
The diverse fungi that are some of the hard workers on the farm, are still doing their fun-guy thing.
Onto the flowers:
The temperature outside now at about 8.00am is 6’C (43’F). So far this year there has been 441.6mm (17.4 inches) which is the higher than last weeks total of 428.6mm (16.9 inches).